Getting close and getting nervous ---

Hi everyone -  find out tomorrow what  my preop and surgery dates are. Now I am like "wow this is really happening." I am a little scared about the surgery itself but also about the fact now I will be forever labeled as a gastric bypass patient - does that have a stigma? How do you tell people? what do people think? Why do I feel like a failure? like I should'nt have ever "let" myself get so out of control and big?

You know what you cant think like that. You got to go with the flow and let it happen. I did and lost 156 pounds. You wont be labled a Gastric Bypass patient if you dont want to be only in a Doctors eyes!!!!! Yes they have to know but other people dont have to know. It has a stigma to you and you only. It is a good stigma!!!!!! I am proud that I had the surgery, I accomplished something in my life and didnt quit at it. I am healthier for it and am not dead and 6 ft under!!!!!! ya I let myself go before weight loss surgery but I found someone to help me out of the hole and you did to. so go with it and run. You will be happier and see life in a whole different way. Carla klein

People that I have told are so very excited for me, they are so very supportive and complimentary, there has been no negative issues from anyone.

Hey cutie... do NOT feel like a failure!!!!  You're taking this huge and very important step forward... you're doing something about your weight. You are doing something VERY hard core... it is NOTHING to feel like a failure for!!! Nothing!!!  I'm postop now 9 weeks and I've lost 51 pounds... this is NOT what a failure does!!!  And just wait... in just days/weeks you'll start really feeling like the true winner that you are!!!    You know, at first I didn't want to tell my skinny friends... but in the place I work, rumors spread like wildfire... so now everyone knows.  Do you know the skinny ones are the most supportive??? It's my fat friends that are now jealous and treat me funny because I'm doing something about it... and they are not.   It's the mirror effect... my fluffy/fat friends see what they aren't doing and they treat me funny because of it.  It's just an amazing thing!!!  There is NO stigma... there is NO shame, and not a one of us are failures!!!   Good luck with your surgery... keep us posted!!!!

Congrats CL! You are not a failure; you have a weight problem like so many of us an are taking a very COURAGEOUS step!

Congrats you will do great! Good luck tomorrow! Bryan

Just saw your post and wanted to say hi; I'm a liitle further out than you, in Peyton. It's the Big Blue House (the only one out there....) Yours, Nancy

Hun dont ever think you are a failure, you are not,nobody needs to know about  you having the surgery except the ones that really counts.all you need to think about is the new lease on life you are taking by having this surgery,You will do great, Hugs to you

Best wishes on getting your dates. It is a normal reaction to be scared about the surgery.  As one mentioned, you will only be a gastric bypass patient in the medical arena.  I woulnd't consider it a stigma though.  It's just a fact.  As far as others, you don't owe them anything.  YOu don't have to tell anyone and it doesn't matter what they think.  You did this for you and your health.  Feeling like a failure?  I think that'a a normal feeling too.  Don't dwell too much on that feeling though, because now you are a winner.  You're taking control and doing for you. 

"find out tomorrow what  my preop and surgery dates are" Congratulations! When you have a date that is when it all becomes real. "I am a little scared about the surgery itself " Completely normal! If you weren't scared or nerveous I would worry about you! It's a major surgery and a major lifestyle change. It is supposed to be a big deal. Keeping all of that in mind you can't let yourself get too stressed out about it. I think your doing fine...a little worry is healthy just make sure you keep it under control thinking about all of the reasons you have decided to do this and of the positive life you will lead afterwards. "the fact now I will be forever labeled as a gastric bypass patient - does that have a stigma?" Some on here have said there is no shame or stigma associated with being a gastric bypass patient. I would not agree with that. I think that many people have preconceived notions of what gastric bypass is and what people are like that have it. Some people will be nice to your face and then say something completely different when your not there. Some people that were your friends will no longer be your friend because you will change. Alot of wls ladies have told me that their bigger friends no longer like them because it makes them feel uncomfortable or jealous to see someone that changed their life in a way they haven't. Skinner friends may no longer like you because before you were the "big" friend and weren't competition. Most people before surgery hide behind their weight and are not confident most people after the weight loss have a new zeal for life and are very confident. One way I like to look at is that when we are big we develop our personalities to make up for it...after weight loss we have a much improved good body too...some friends can't handle all of that! The most positive way to look at a loss in a friendship after weight loss is that now you know who truly are good people and good friends and who isn't. Some people may just be scared of surgery and of the new way of life...I wouldn't cut them out of your life too quickly but just talk to them and give them some time to adjust. Do not waste your time or mental resources on worrying about people who do not support you. Surround yourself with those that truly care about what is best for you. "How do you tell people?" That is a hard one. Some people advocate only telling your medical provider that you have had surgery. I think that is rediculous. Lying or not sharing your story when it is prudent to do so only makes it more shameful to have this surgery. The more people there are out there saying yes I had a weight loss surgery and it was wonderful the more it will be accepted. Sometimes it is a bit embarassing or ackward but I still say I had it. It's hard to go to any social function without food being involved. When a new friend is a bit offended because you didn't eat her kid's birthday party cake...I think it's wise to say oh I am sorry I can't eat cake because the sugar will make me sick. Most of the time they ask why? I say oh I had gastric bypass and it makes me sugar intolerant. Almost everytime they are very interested and supportive. The ones that aren't we just change the subject and I don't pu**** on them. I don't introduce myself as Hi I am Christal I've had weight loss surgery...but if it comes up I tell them. I don't think it is shameful to have had the surgery. But I do think we feel shame for having been big and couldn't fix it ourselves...that's just how society makes us feel. I am proud that I have done something about it by having surgery and I am no longer ashamed. "what do people think? " Well I think I already addressed this. Somepeople think it's awesome, some think it's an easy way out, which trust me it definetly is not...it's easier to stay big and die early. Some are jealous because they cannot have the surgery or do not wany to, there are a thousand and one ways people can react to hearing your going to have surgery or that you have had it. What really matters is how you feel. I am so thrilled at my experience someone else being negative only makes me feel sad for them at this point. Tell your close family and friends early on so they can get on board with you. They might feel left out and unimportant if you leave them out of the loop too long. Some family and friends are against the surgery at first...just try another diet or the surgery is too risky...mostly resulting from a misunderstanding of the process and what it means to you. Give them time and information. Let them know you are doing this and that you want them to be apart of it. "Why do I feel like a failure?" In our culture we are expected to be perfect. Perfect people are not flawed. Perfect people can fix their own problems without help. Now include the huge issue of being obese. It is viewed as gross and embarassing to most people. We expect all of this from ourselves. You have to train your brain to think differently. I think you should consider yourself a true failure if you gave up. If you said it's too hard to lose weight. If you said I don't want to have surgery. But that's not what you did...you said you will choose a very hard decision in having surgery...that you will overcome the battle of being obese. You chose the difficult decision of asking for medical help. Alot of people aren't willing to do that. Congratulate yourself on being brave and making the right choice for you. It's ok to feel sad about becoming obese...but just remember you are doing something about it. Obesity did not defeat you because you didn't let it.  "I should'nt have ever "let" myself get so out of control and big?" It happened to all of us. We are all entitled to make mistakes. The real mistake would be to stay that way and have medical complications and die an early death. Not caring about yourself and being realistic about the situation would be a real mistake. It all takes us some time to come around to that view point of needing to take action. I think everyone should try and lose the weight in a more conventional manner of exercise and diet...but it just doesn't work for most of us. It would great if we all could have figured out what was going wrong before we reached the point of needing surgery. But it didn't happen. But we all corrected our mistake of becoming obese and had surgery. Now we will live the lives we want. Once you start losing weight and living that life the shame of becoming obese will be shadowed by the brilliance of your new freedom from obesity. Good luck with everything. It's going to be great...just wait and see.